Under the Safety of Bed Covers

I fear growing old but not growing up. I fear that ill never be able to feel the simple happiness I did when I was a child. I fear disappointing those who have loved me and those who dream for me. I fear disappointing myself by constantly searching for the approval of others. I fear falling in love with all the wrong things only to realize that they were always the right ones. I fear being free because then no one is responsible for my actions but myself. I fear being caged because my lungs grow weary of pushing against these tight containers. I fear my parents passing away without knowing how much I cant live without them. I fear that I’ve out lost my fear of monsters only to find new fear in death. I fear never having a chance to say goodbye. I fear being irrelevant. I fear being forgotten. I fear being noticed for the wrong things. I fear that we’ve outgrown empathy and that ignorance is the new norm. I fear we’ve become so complacent with our lives and those of others that we’ve forgotten that individuals and actions spark change not empty words. I fear that I would get my ass kicked in a fight that my pride has provoked. I fear that ill end up old and alone after a life of love, I fear that I’ll love and be loved only to have it ripped away from me. I fear snakes. I fear that my success has to be defined one dimensional, that In want of everything I’ll look back and see that I’ve lost everything. I fear my mind one day being trapped by an ill and weathered body. I fear distance, and empty conversations that creep in between the silence of loneliness. I fear losing friends to “I’ve been so busy lately” and being reduced to the falsity of “lets get coffee soon.” I fear innocent deaths, I fear poverty and starvation. I fear a lost name at the end of a lifetime. But mostly I fear being a victim of fear.

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